I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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