I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
they're like a gay fantastic four
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
