i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize