mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
