We need to rekindle our bromance
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
