I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
