i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
