what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
