Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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