Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
