Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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