Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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