I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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