K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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