I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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