So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Apparently you make a good broom.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
