I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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