so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
