All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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