I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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