Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize