i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
