Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
