meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
