woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
