No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
