i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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