i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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