Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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