Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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