her vagine was all disorganized.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
