For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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