look no pants
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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