Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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