I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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