I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
