Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
