Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
