I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize