if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
