Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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