Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
