the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
