i think my tv is drunk
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
