They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
