You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
