he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
