i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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