Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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