why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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