True but thats because hes a fetus.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
