just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just googled if crying burns calories
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
