My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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