i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
