we made out on top of his cat.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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