I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
