Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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