what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Randomize
