Need sex. Gaining weight.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
