Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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