Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i wish my penis had a tongue
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
