we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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