he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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