Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
