She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
