capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
