This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
