We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
