Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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