Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
