i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
